The Integration (or lack there of?)

During my first 3 months in site, my efforts will be concentrated on getting to know the community, building a foundation of trust, and learning the needs and wants of the families. After this phase, we will choose projects to work on together. T his phase should be quite fun and easy as the focus is more on socializing than working. And at times, it is enjoyable to learn to play a wooden flute, weave a basket, watch soccer games, swim in the waterfall, cook, and chat with everyone.

I still feel very much like a foreigner, though. When I ask (in Spanish) if I can sit down and join a group of women, they look at me, laugh, and talk to each other in Embera (their native tounge). When I ask for clarification in Spanish, I am told to learn Embera. So, I explain that I want to learn plenty of Embera for it is the language of friendship, but I also need to focus on Spanish because it is the language of business. The various agencies I am communicating with to help the community do not speak Embera. The women respond that the volunteer before me spoke a ton of Embera. Sheesh. She also arrived speaking Spanish well. I am pretty sure that the community would prefer that I speak Spanish on a level better than a 5 year old when I ask an agency for assistance with a computer lab.

To exacerbate my feelings of being an outsider, the community held a meeting. Upon my approach to the meeting, I was told that this was an Embera meeting. The 2 meetings I have attended here before have also been conducted in the Embera language. I explained that even if I am not able to pick up on all of the words, there is still much information to be learned from a meeting such as who leads, who participates, and how disputes are handled. I was then told that it is not just an Embera meeting, it was for Emberas only. And so, I could not attend. Ouch.

There are days, though, when I feel less like a foreigner/tourist and more like a member of the community. Slowly, I am learning that starting the day with a How To Speak Embera book in my hand, if only for even a 1/2 hour, carries great weight with the community; that if I sit alone in the community hall, individuals and small groups will join me and open up; and that kids want to be my best buddies. I don´t know that I´ll ever reach the point that I walk around topless like the women here do, but slowly I am integrating into this community.

My House

(Captions: The boatride to my site, my house, my stairs, my bedroom, my dining room table- without legs yet, kids slip´n´sliding, my shower)

The 21st place I rested my head in Panama is the place I can now call home. I never imagined how living out of a bag and having no control over my food for 12 weeks could take such a toll on my spirit and health. But after one night in my house, the most incredible house ever, I realize the journey here was more than worth it. I wake up each morning looking into a rain forest. During thunderstorms, my front yard doubles as a slip-and-side for the neighborhood kids. People stop by to chat throughout the day. I climb a log ladder. Chickens run around underneath my house. I am also fortunate that the previous volunteer equipped the house with tons of amenities including an upstairs sink, three benches, books, toys for the kiddos, a masquito net, and Christmas lights. I added the finishing touches of a bedroom wall and door (per Peace Corps’ new regulations) as well as a stove. The first meals I cooked were soup (well, I boiled water for my Cup-a-Noodles…but if heat is involved, I call it cooking) and popcorn. Mmmm. I found a use for the unused socks I brought with me given that I don’t wear shoes often: pot holders. I am also now able to boil water for a hot sponge (sock) bath which is divine. Home sweet hut!

Fun Photos

Photos are of all East Side Volunteers (East of the Canal), Halloween, Cute Kiddo, Skit during training, and Emily and Jake (2 of the coolest volunteers).

The Wedding

Despite my requests that my friends and family put their lives on hold during my service in the Peace Corps, my sister decided to get married. And so after only 11 weeks in Panama, I flew home for the wedding, ecstatic about being a part of the biggest day in my sister’s life but a little nervous about stepping back into my American comfort zone (and liking it a little too much).

Michele could not have picked a better day for her outdoor wedding- a beautiful autumn afternoon with a slight, crisp breeze, and red, orange, and golden rustling leaves on the trees. As an added bonus, my Aunt Mary pampered the bridal party with professionally styled hair and make-up. The salon glamorized my sister with ease. I, however, was another story. First, my hair underwent a laborious shampooing process to undo the damage culminated by weeks of quick cold showers, bathes in rivers, and not to mention that my last shower before the wedding had consisted only of a monumental rainfall during a boatride in my village. Needless to say, the professionals had their hands full with my jungle mophead. Once my stylist began to style my hair, she suggested with great concern that she trim my hair. When I replied that I was a volunteer and would not be able to afford any services not already on the agenda, she looked me once over and said, “It’s on the house.” A pity cut! Afterwards, with my new hair, make-up, and Maid of Honor dress, I truly felt like I had undergone a “What Not To Wear” makeover miracle.

The wedding was spectacular. With my sister’s elegant style and the arduous, collaborative efforts of my family members (my role solely being to show up!) it’s unbelievable to fathom that this wedding was planned in less than 3 months.

I must admit that it was incredible to be back home (I still identify Atlanta as home and not yet Panama). Seeing family and friends, eating delicious food (including medium rare beef and not an ounce of plain white rice), conducting a business transaction quickly and straight forward, Walmart, a bed, lack of humidity, and a hot bathe were so, so enjoyable. I did, however, wake up each night in Atlanta extremely disoriented as to where I was, I had my first dream in Spanish (yay!), and I missed my volunteer friends as well as assertive Panamanian drivers. Although difficult to say goodbye to home again, part of me was also ready to return to Panama to work.

The Jungle

(Photos are of me degraining rice, my newest host family, and other members of the Indigenous Community)

As part of cultural training, I spent the past week in the Jungle with an indigenous community. We trecked through the rain forrest and climbed precarious rocks to see an aqueduct on a waterfall. As facinating as the landscape here is, the people are even more astounding. The level of poverty in this community is heartbreaking (although there are parts of Panama even worse off). The latrines are overflowing, the children are often naked, many residents have some sort of sickness, and malnutrition is rampant. The daily diet consists primarily of plantains and rice (unprocessed rice can be purchased although it requires much manual labor before consumption).

Despite their destitution, the community is incredibly generous. For each meal, my Host Grandma laid a skirt on the table for my dining placemat. She also wrapped a beautiful skirt around my waist for a celebration, wrapped my hair in her butterfly clip, as well as wove me a beautiful, intreciate hand fan, which is one of the most meaningful gifts I have ever received. This may sound odd and cheesy, but this is the best way I can describe the community; the comfortable feeling I get when someone plays with my hair is the same warm feeling I get when I am sitting with this new host family.

The children here are little superheroes. They do handstands, backhandsprings, flips, walk on home-made stilts, wander through the community and then up home-made ladders of neighboring huts alone at the age of 3. They are so curious and have so much potential. If only they could afford an decent education....which is where I hope to come into the picture by helping to promote economic opportunites. I can´t wait to get started. Only 3 more weeks of training.

The Touristy Part of Training

As part of training this week, we visited a couple spectacular places in Panama including a Cheese Plant and a Coffee farm. The first photo is of us 20 business volunteers plus our trainers near the cheese plant (I am disapointed that cheese is not a greater part of the Panamaian diet,) and the other photo is of Joanna, Lydia, and me sipping our fresh coffee.

The Site Announcement

(Description of photos above: Jake and I at the Site Revealing pointing to our sites / A pig at Spanish Class / Chickens at Spanish Class /Monkeys at Technical Class / The platter that my Sister Michele and Cousin Lauren painted for my Host Family that is now always displayed on the dinner table)

Training has been exhausting as it engulfs all 7 days of the week and allows for very little recooperation time. In addition, we have not known where we will be working, so our time thus far has been abstract and theoretical.

Until now.

After much anticipation and consideration during the site matching process, I now know where I will be working during my next 2 years. I am absolutely estatic to be going to my community as it embodies my idea of the perfect site...but boy are my nerves working up a storm.

To arrive at my site, I will take two short bus rides and then a quick trip in a dug out canoe to reach my indigenous site of less than 100 people. The residents work collaboratively in tourism by entertaining tourists with their beautiful clothing, language, dancing, and customs while also selling impressive artisanry. My home, like the others in the community, will be a palm thatched roof hut withought walls built on stilts. Another Peace Corps volunteer will be only a few minutes away in a neighboring village. Possible forthcoming projects in my site include running a computer lab off of solar power, improving tourism, personal finance training, and leading youth groups. I am truly excited about this venture and cannot wait to get started (after 5 more weeks of training).

Did I mention, though, that there was a previous volunteer from the Peace Corps in this site? Actually, it was a married couple...super successful with their endeavors...the epidimy of what the Peace Corps can accomplish...leaving big shoes to fill....oh - and the wife of the couple will be my boss.

Spanish is fortunately spoken in my community in addition to the indigenous language. I am, however, training to learn the indigenous language so that I can better integrate into the community, although my Spanish is still very much a work in progress. Thus, communicating in a 2nd language that I am rocky with to learn words in a completely new 3rd language is fairly challenging. Also, my community specifically requested a Peace Corps volunteer who will be a negotiator to empower the community to reach more equitable terms with tourism agencies. Unfortunately, I would not say that negotiating is my strong suit, but maybe I can put to great use all of my accumulated Clark Howard tips for giving the little guy an upperhand.

Despite the pressure I feel to be successful, I am so, so, so excited about my community and the possibilities of making a lasting impact.

The Sample Site

(The photos above are of a public bus, Michelle´s homecooked tacos, Michelle´s neighborhood kids, a mangly Whytegalow lookalike, and a nearby beach)

After 2 weeks of nonstop training consisting of classes, studying Spanish, and virtually no free time, each Trainee visited a current Volunteer in Panama to see an example of where we might work and what work we might do.

Traveling in Panama is always interesting. The Public buses here are old school buses from the U.S., and bus drivers take great pride in decorating them. On my way to the site, the bus driver held a cup in one hand, a cellphone in the other, shifted gears (but never steered with his knee), and rumaged through his CD collection, while crossing a double yellow line to pass a car. The bus had fixtures where side mirrors once were mounted but had since come off. An overhead mirror remained; however, it was adorned with stickers. At times, the bus driver stopped in the road to add oil or clutch fluid (not all buses have properly functioning clutches although they do all seem to have working cd players and loud speakers). We stopped at the Panama Canal to wait for boats to pass through, and the bus driver turned off the bus and got off, leaving the keys in the ignition for our 20 minute delay (Panama hopes to build a bridge for vehicles to cross the canal at this junction, but until then, vehicles wait up to an hour...even ambulances!)

I really lucked out on this sample site visit, which consisted of a much needed minivacation after non-stop training. Michelle, the incredibly hospitable volunteer I visisted, cooked tacos (I was craving Moe´s!), spaghetti, and scrambled eggs. Heaven! We spent a day at the beach, which helped relieve training, cultural, and homesickness frustrations.

The visit was not solely recreational, though. It was also a great opportunity to learn what expect once I am out of training. My favorite aspect of Michelle´s site is that after 10 months of her living there, everyone in the community of 300 people knows her name (after living in my house for 3 years in Georgia, I couldn´t name half of the people on my couldesac). Michelle works with an Eco Tourism group, amoung many other groups. Despite her efforts, her projects do not progress as quickly as hoped. Meetings are often inefficient, and when the community expressess an interest in learning accounting or English, there is sometimes little follow through on their part. There is a differnt pace of life here which will take some getting used to.

This visit has been the best part of my Peace Corps experience thus far. The site was incredible, I learned so much from Michelle, and and feel revived. But back to training I go.

My Host Family

(The photos above are of my Host Family, their house, yard, and 5 year old daughter. I´d orientate the photos if I could read Spanish).

This morning I woke up to the sound of the Father of my Panamainian Host Family blaring Madonna on the stero. It was nice to hear something familiar as I have been living with this family of six for now one week and feel like I am on Mars. The wonderful family of 6 is incredibly generous, but every few hours my mouth drops at the site of something bizarre or incredible. Life now, and for the next 3 months, consists of sleeping in a mosquito net (my prized possession), being awakened at all hours of the night or having my outdoor classes interrupted by crazy roosters that enjoy cockadoodledooing all day long, decorative concrete windows with no glass or screens to separate my bedroom from outdoors, sitting in a friend´s inflatable pool with a view of rainforests and mountains, my new best friend is my Host Family´s 5 year old daughter who is so patient with my attempts at Spanish, hiking to a waterfall, salamanders in the house on the daily, my outdoor bathroom has no door, school is canceled for my Host Family´s children if the teacher has a doctor´s appointment, I walk to class and back home for lunch, rain on the metal roof, cooking fried plantains, cooking fresh chicken soup(as in it doesn´t get any fresher if you catch my drift), and having a male friend walk me home after 7:00pm. I am slowly getting accustomed to Panama.

Next week, I will be venturing into the Eastern part of Panama (fairly close to Columbia) to visit a current volunteer who lives with an Indigenous community. I would prefer to be visiting a Latino community on the coast, but maybe I´ll enjoy this site...which could end up being where I´ll work.

I miss you all so very much!

(I no longer have spell check in English, so I appologize for all spelling mistakes)

The Arrival

I am finally in Panama, and it is absolutely surreal. Fortunately, my first experience through Customs was smooth, and all 105 lbs of my luggage arrived in tact. To my surprise, these first days in the country have felt like a vacation. Although we wake up early to complete paperwork, receive vaccinations, and take tests (during today's swim test, I learned how to make a floatation device out of a pair of pants), our temporary living arrangements are resort-like villas with a kitchen, den, dining room, and community pool amidst palm trees and exotic birds. Our meals are prepared for us and have transitioned from from American sandwiches or pancakes and hashbrowns to the more Panamanian dishes with rice and beans. Fried fish has been delicious. Fried plantain not so much.

This Sunday, I will move to the home of my Host Family where I will be training and living in presumably more modest conditions for the next 3 months. Learning Spanish is my top priority, and I have realized I can't be afraid to look silly. This evening, another Peace Corps volunteer and I wanted to play soccer. While she waited, I found a Panamanian staff member on site, spoke to him briefly, and returned with news that no soccer balls were available. The other Peace Corps volunteer was impressed that I communicated with a local and asked what I said to him. I had asked him, "Habla Usted Ingles?" (Do you speak Spanish), and he answered yes. I had chickened out. I will not learn another language if I resort to English, so Panamanians, get ready for some broken phrases, mis-conjugated verbs, adjectives that do not agree, Spanglish, and the vocabulary of an elementary school student. But it is better to look silly than to not progress with the language.

The Farewell

My wonderful boss Judy put together a warm and thoughtful going away luncheon filled with fabulous food and a chance to see my incredible coworkers one last time before shipping out. And thanks to Carole and her gift of fruit and vegetable seeds, I'll be Farmer Deb in no time!

The Invitation

Too impatient to wait until I got home to open the mail, I asked my Mom to call me at work upon receipt of my Peace Corps invitation letter. After a roller coaster ride of preparing to accept an invitation into the Peace Corps (including seeing 6 doctors, discovering that I have an odd heart condition that baffles even the doctors, and selling my house as well as all of my possessions), I was more than ready to learn where my assignment would be. On the morning of June 7th 2007, my Mom called to announce that my home for the next 27 months would be...drumroll, please...

Panama.

Home of the famous canal and...hmmmmm...my knowledge of this country seems to end right about there. So, I immediately began to read about Panama- from Peace Corps provided info to Travel Books, Websites, and Volunteer Blogs. My readings (and imagination) have resultingly triggered the following concerns:

1. Getting lost in a foreign country (I purchased a map and a compass to combat my poor sense of direction)
2. Sickness (Parasites, Amoebas, stomach virus, snake bites, scorpions, mosquito-borne diseases, and rashes)
3. Food (I'm not a big fan of beans, rice, plantains, or fried food, which seem to be the major staples)
4. Missing friends and family (Get your passports now)
5. Belton (Inducing a 27 month break on our relationship of five years is a stress that will make or break us in the long run)
6. Too little/ too much luggage (2 bags totaling 80lbs plus one carry-on doesn't seem like much to live with for 27 months, but I wonder if an over-crowded bus or truck may leave me in their dust at the sight of my hefty bags)
7. The airport loosing my luggage (My compass and map will be in my carry-on)
8. I am not an outdoorsy person (I realize this is ironic for a Peace Corps volunteer, but I prefer working indoors with little dirt and few critters)
9. Safety
10. Language (Worried about not becoming fluent in Spanish quickly... and then possibly having to learn another language- a dialect of an indigenous tribe)
11. Latrines (Or even worse, a lack of one)
12. Male Dominated Society
13. Rejection by females of the community as I do not enjoy cooking or cleaning
14. Poor Job Performance / Not positively impacting the community (Some of my predecessors have big shoes to fill)
15. Peace Corps' Effectiveness (After a presence in Panama from 1963-1971 and then from 1990-the present consisting of 1,576 volunteers, there is still a large discrepancy between the rich and poor in Panama. Although well intended, is the Peace Corps making a significant impact?)
16. Funding my Peace Corps projects (I do not solicit money from those who have not indicated an interest; however, the Peace Corps suggests requesting funding from friends and family. Don't worry, I will not be asking you for money. Deodorant maybe)
17. Manuel Noriega (The dictator ousted in 1989 will be released from a prison in Miami on September 9, 2007, which will be my 27th day in the country. I have read that if he returns to Panama, he may be tried for murder. I have also read that he has influential allies and may instead return to politics in Panama)
18. Possible lack of Internet (There goes my philosophy that although I may not have all of the answers, I know where to find them. Wikipedia. Kidding)
19. Guilt of helping strangers when there are people I know that need help
20. Guilt of leaving the Panamanian community to return home to the USA, a country with so many opportunities

Have you ever read so much negativity on one page? With the exception of an excerpt from a Michael Moore book, probably not. And with a list like this, one might conclude that Peace Corps service in Panama just might not be the best match for me. However, the beauty and challenge of the Peace Corps, I believe, is turning the negatives into positives. Although the preceding list will be interesting in retrospection when my service concludes, the following list is the important list as it outlines what excites me about my impending venture and my underlying motivations for Peace Corps service :

1. A chance to positively impact the world
2. Challenge
3. Use of my degree and work experience
4. Segway into a career in International Human Resources
5. Spanish fluency
6. Meeting and learning from incredible people (The women of these Panamanian communities often give birth with no medical treatment- wow)
7. Appreciation of things I take for granted
8. Time away from computers and mounds of paper
9. Not driving
10. Siestas possibly (I miss naps. You know you do, too)
11. Latin Dancing (Hopefully any future Latin dancing experience will not involve an instructor running out of the room with a bloody lip like the last time. It was an accident)
12. Practicing the Buddhist philosophy of disattachment to material items
13. 48 vacation days to travel
14. Parts of Panama are a tropical paradise

I feel extremely fortunate to serve in Peace Corps-Panama. Although I leave for training in Washington D.C. in five weeks, my bags are already packed.

Peace Corps mandated disclaimer- The views on this blog do not represent the views of the Peace Corps.